I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
