lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
