when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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