just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Your cock deserves a montage
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
