How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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