So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
