I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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