I could make wine with my vomit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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