fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
