found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
