my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
