Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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