Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
