Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
