just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Two words: blizzard sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
