How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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