Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
