I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
