So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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