I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
