Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
