hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
