I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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