Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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