My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You made out with two different species that night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
