Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
