I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
