Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
