New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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