I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
