Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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