Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
