So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
