In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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