She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
