No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
