shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
