Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
