I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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