Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
