the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Randomize
