mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
