morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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