I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
