The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
