it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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