he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
