wat bout pragnant strippers??
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
