It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
