my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
