Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
